I have a voice

I am really excited and really nervous to have this little baby {who still has no confirmed name}.

With each of the boys I feel like I was just told what I was to do to have a baby. I decided with this pregnancy I wanted to have a voice. I wanted to have a say it what was going on. I want to trust that my body will know what to do.

For me this is baby #5 and I really have no idea what labor is like. I am in full support for women to have babies how ever they choose it to be C-section, induction, natural, with or without medication. But see.. it's a choice.

Every birth that I have had has not been what I wanted... don't get me wrong, I love the prize that I got at the end, and I am thankful for the healthy baby that was placed into my arms. But nothing went as planned.

With James my bag tore and was leaking amniotic fluid, I went to the hospital and they immediately hooked me up to every machine and was put on potocin {that made me pass out} to get the baby out fast. And then I was told I was on a time limit to have him or he would have to be taken C-section.

With Tommy it was a scheduled induction because Steve was in Iraq... it was a birth of convenience. I wanted Steve to be a part of it, my doctor was going out of town, I had to schedule with other people to take James, it just needed to work for every one.

Tim was just a big mess since I had placenta previa, and he was breech he would have probably been C-section anyway but him coming at 30 weeks, I was pretty much pushed into the operating room as they were telling me what was going on.

And Benji... I didn't have a choice at all. Because my last baby was a C-section there was nothing I could do but plan my due date.

I realize that emergencies happen, I know that there are things that happen that are unavoidable and the results are not what was ideally planned, but I just want to be part of the discussion. It's my body, it's my baby, and I am tired of being talked over like I'm not even in the room. I just want to have a voice in the matter.

I am so thankful that I have found a doctor that will delivery me naturally. There is no set date for me to have a baby by. As long and he and I are both doing fine I can go over my due date for any number of days or even weeks. As long as he and I are fine I can labor for as long as it takes. I know the pros and cons to it all, and I am confident in my choice that I have made. I know that if it does happen to be a C-section, that at least I will be a part of the conversation and the decision {outside of an emergency} will be mine. 

I know that most doctors have the best interest of the patient at heart, and only want what is best. {I'm hoping anyway...} but I think that sometimes we rely to much on what is said with out questioning and sometimes with out knowing all of the facts. We just take what ever pill is offered, we just do what ever is said, and we end up being told how our babies should be born and anything different is not acceptable.

I am looking forward to this new experience and to the choice that I get to make to bring my baby into this world.