Sweet Baby Girl

I knew she was coming and had met her a couple months earlier. It was a different experience hearing her voice, and one that I will cherish.

I knew this would be my last pregnancy boy or girl, this was it. I am getting older and I want to be focused on raising my family now instead of having babies. I was thrilled to know that I would end this chapter in my life with a little girl.

My pregnancy with Charlotte was normal… very text book.

But at the same time it was so very different. I have never had a baby while inside so aware of their surroundings. But she was.  She would kick a long to whenever Benji would sing to her. She would squirm around so much when the boys were being loud around me. And she would sit so quietly when ever Swim was crying and I was holding him. 

Once I was over my morning sickness, which thankfully is only until 12 weeks, I felt really good.  I enjoyed this pregnancy, and other than minor discomforts everything was fine.

My original due date was April 28, but I knew that I would go over. I knew that She wasn't going to be born that day, and in fact when I did have contractions on that day I pretty much ignored them. They were constant and regular but I just knew that they would go away so even after 3 hours I just carried on with my night.

We had made the sad decision to put our dog down on Tuesday the 29th, and I needed to see my boys through that. I needed to make sure that they were ok and that they were taken care of. I'm glad I was late because of that.


I went through out the rest of the week... and the next week... just doing my job of being a mom. Holding my boys and enjoying just them. I was also trying hard to enjoy these last moments of having her inside of me. I really loved feeling her move and squirm. I held on to those moments.

I used the couple weeks that I had left to prepare myself. At night I would practice breathing. During the day I would prepare my house. The cleaning that needed to be done, and things made and bought were checked off.

I was in the clinic many times that last two weeks. I was checked... and checked again to make sure she was safe and healthy. She was... she was just snug and happy where she was at. I got many calls and texts from people checking on me to make sure that I was doing ok. Being 2 weeks late is odd to most people, but I was thankful for the extra time. I just needed it, I needed to be ready.
 
The boys were all hoping that she would be born on May 4th {*May the fourth* be with you…. yes, we are Star Wars fans} but she had her own ideas.

As I was nearing 2 weeks past my due date, things were being set in motion for my induction. It wasn’t really what I wanted, but being that I was a VBAC there was protocol in place. I was hoping for a birth like Swim, and hoping she would come on her own, but I guess she needed a little nudging to come.

May 8th we were up early to be at the hospital at 6:30. I got checked in and undressed and they monitored for a bit. I was ready, I was mentally and physically ready. Being induced wasn’t ideal, but I was excited that I was going to get to meet my baby girl.

Because I’m a VBAC and I was going t be induced the doctor had to be at the hospital that day, physically in the building. Well, when the induction was scheduled they double booked Dr. Wall. He was scheduled to be at another hospital that morning so I was asked to wait. 

It made for a fun impromptu morning. Steve and I went out to breakfast and then we went to walk around Costco. We then took Benji and Swim up to my brother and sister in law’s house for the time that I was in the hospital. It was nice to have a little more time with her so close to me.

Finally at 3:00 the hospital called and said that Dr. Wall was back and that I could come back to the hospital to start the induction.  Part of me just wanted to say screw it, I’ll come back when she’s ready and I’m in labor on my own, but I’ve was having days where she hardly moved and that was making me nervous. For my sanity, she needed to come. I needed to have her in my arms seeing that she was ok.

So, back to the hospital I went.  

Once there I changed and got hooked up on the monitors and waited….

My sister Erika came to take pictures for me, and my niece who is thinking of becoming a midwife had never been to a birth before so she came to mine, and of course Steve was there. I’ve birthed without him present and he truly is my rock when I am in labor.

First Dr. Wall came in and we talked about what was going to happen. I was delivering with a midwife, but Dr. Wall was overseeing my induction. My water was broken and the pictcon was started. I do have to say how thankful I was that Dr. Wall was so willing to listen to me. I really wanted a natural birth… already wasn’t getting that with the induction, but he made sure that the pictcon was turned down really low so my body could work up to labor.

When I had gone to the hospital that morning I was a little nervous, but mostly calm. Having to leave and go back, my mental calmness was shot. I was so panic-y. It was hard to concentrate on breathing through my contractions. It was hard to focus. And on top of that… I had a horrible labor and delivery nurse.

This nurse…. I hope she was just having an off day and not normally so mean, because it was bad. Everyone in the room felt the tension that she brought in. I had to be hooked up to everything and pretty much had to stay in bed. I had to go to the bathroom so I unhooked myself from everything and went into the bathroom, and sitting on the toilet felt good. My contractions weren’t so hard on my body being in that position. I was there for about 20 minutes and the nurse came back in and was mad that I wasn’t in bed. She was mad that my bed was wet and I asked her to change my sheets, I was leaking fluid from them breaking my water, and she was mad that my sister was taking pictures. She was just not nice, and I think that really threw me as far as being able to labor in a place where I felt safe.

I got back in bed. I was breathing and just feeling what was going on. I don’t mind being in labor. I am amazed at what a woman’s body can do. Grow a baby and then when the time comes to labor to help the baby come into the world. 

After awhile the contractions started to get a bit stronger and fortunately there was a shift change and the nurse that came in was so nice! She saw how miserable I was on the bed and got a ball out of the closet and unhooked me from everything and just stayed in the room with me. She and my midwife just monitored Charlotte by hand so I was able to be up and around more. 

As things got more intense I felt so frustrated. I wanted to be at home laboring without being hooked up to everything. I wanted to feel more like I did this on my own.

I was up and swaying and sitting on the ball and I was doing ok, but then I started to get dizzy.  Being upright made me so dizzy so I laid down and then the contractions were so intense. I tried to sit up again and I got so light headed that I laid back down. It felt like a no win situation.

I cried because this was not what I wanted. This was not what I had envisioned, this wasn’t how I wanted Charlotte to come into this world. And yet here I was. Hooked up to so many things, unable to move how I wanted, feeling so much pain, and the loss of focus and unable to control it. 

I asked for an epidural.

I felt defeated.

Once the epidural kicked in and I was numb I felt so relieved. I wasn’t dizzy anymore and I felt like I could catch my breath and I was able t relax. 

I think because I was able to relax, my body just opened up and she came down. I felt her come down lower into my body. She was ready to come. 

I gave a couple hard pushes and I felt her move again. I am thankful that the epidural was mild for me so I could feel more than what I thought I was going to.

I was getting ready to push again and then it seemed like my body just took over. They said I was pushing, I felt like I was breathing.

 And then she was here.

A perfect little girl with a lot of dark brown hair. Our darling little Charlotte came into the world with a head full of hair and a body full of rolls. She was here with me. This time I fought off the nurses who wanted to take her from me. They wanted to weigh her and measure her, and put hats on her. I wanted to hold her, and nurse her and love her. All of their stuff could wait. This was my moment, and I didn’t want anyone to take that from me. I forced the world away while she squirmed in my arms.

I looked around for Steve and he was there, just as he was the whole time. We just looked at her and touched her soft skin. This little perfect person was finally here.

The nurses finally did measure her and check her out. I kept saying that she was a big baby, at least 9 pounds. The midwife, and even Steve was sure this baby was going to be closer to 8 pounds. She was 9pounds 14 ounces, and was 20 inches long, she had rolls and was a cute fat baby.

After everything was done, after everyone had left and it was just her and I, I laid in the dark with her and felt like our family was complete.  We sat together and just let our souls speak to each other.

This girl is special. She had come not only to complete our family with the number of children we have but to complete our family with what we are to learn. She will teach it to us.

In the quiet of the night she opened her eyes and looked at me. Really looked at me, and a sweet little smile came. It was there and it was intentional. As quick as it was there it was gone. But that sweet little smile bonded me to her. 

He spirit is a strong one and she already knows so much. I have so much to learn from her, and I will try my best to teach her.

This child, this sweet baby girl, in my arms completed me as a mother.

Where he was the day that you were born

Tommy turned 9 this past week.  9 years old! In the middle of chaos it seems to drag on and on, but looking back the time has gone so fast. He was so little... and butter ball-y. He was bald for a good year, and he had the bluest eyes.

Tommy is my March baby. He was also a huge surprise. Steve and I were not trying to get pregnant... in fact it was far from our minds. He was in Military training in Arizona and James was only 6 months old. After Steve was done training we headed back to Utah to figure out what to do... and 3 days later Steve was notified that he would be going overseas to Iraq.

I was 6 months pregnant when Steve left.

It was an easy pregnancy for the most part. I think part of that was because I was only 24. James had just turned a year old, and I was managing well.

I decided to be induced.

With Steve away, me being induced made it easy for him to be involved. He took the day off and sat by the phone.

The morning I was to go to the hospital I was feeling really good, but a little nervous. I dropped James off at my sister's house and my mom took me to the hospital.

I got to my room and got hooked up to everything. I honestly didn't want to be induced. I was with James and it was horrible, but I didn't want to chance Steve missing anything.

After the pictocin  was on I asked for an epidural and just rested.

My mom was there, and my dad came too. It was nice to have the company. And then... we waited. And waited.

I talked to Steve off and on through out the morning, and the nurses that answered the phones got to know him really well too.

About 2:00 I started to feel really uncomfortable and had the urge to push. I told the nurse and she checked me.... He was coming.

The room turned busy with everyone getting things ready, my doctor was called and people were in place.

It was a pretty painless labor and delivery {thanks to the epidural} and in a few pushes, he was here.

My little Tommy was born. He was 8 pounds 8 ounces, and 21 inches long. The doctor put him on my chest and I got to look into some pretty blue eyes. Tommy was quiet, very alert but quiet. Then one of the nurses held the phone up to my ear.... it was Steve. I told him that we had another healthy baby boy... and then Tommy started crying. And so did Steve. He had called just in time to hear Tommy's first cry.

The nurse took him to be weighed and measured. They brought him back to me and I fell in love all over again.

My mom and dad had a turn holding him while I got cleaned up and my dad noticed something.... that my little Tommy had the same turned down ear that he has. It was actually really funny because my Tommy is named after my dad, and to think that this was something that they had in common was neat.

The first couple days in the hospital with Tommy was hard. He stopped breathing for a little while and turned blue... I called the nurse but by the time she got there he was fine. He was a good nurser and loved sleeping balled up on my chest. {and even at 9 he still sleeps in a ball}

Soon after he was born Steve sent me a song that was written by a couple National Gaurds Men that were in Iraq as well. He said that this song explains how he felt the day that Tommy was born.

The Day that you Were Born

by J.R. Shultz

It's 3am and I'm wide awake, 

They say I'm going to be a daddy today, 

but I can't be there, 

And my heart is torn. 

A million thoughts running through my head, 

Wonder if I'll be a good dad, 

You know I ain't never done this before.

I heard you cry, and I couldn't help to shed a few myself, 

But I'm smiling through the tears, 

The world stood still as I held the phone, 

And suddenly I wasn't alone, 

And all those miles seem to disappear.

And I'm 7,000 miles away, 

And all I can do is pray,

To God that every things going to be alright, 

All alone I'm walking the floor, 

Surrounded by this war, 

That's where I was the day that you were born.

Now I don't mean to come off like I'm, 

Feeling sorry for myself, 

But some times it don't seem fair, 

Daddy's running off left and right, 

And I'm stuck here tonight, 

When all I want, Is to be there.

And I'm 7,000 miles away, 

And all I can do is pray, 

to God that every things going to be alright, 

All alone I'm walking the floor, 

Surrounded by this war, 

That's where I was the day that you were born.

When I finally close my eyes at night, 

Drifted off into a dream, 

It was as real as a dream could be, 

I picked you up and held you close, 

Then suddenly I wake up to reality.

And I'm 7,000 miles away, 

and all I can do is pray, 

To God that every things going to be alright, 

All alone I'm walking the floor, 

Surrounded by this war, 

That's were I was the day that you were born.... 

You've been my son since the day that you were born.

It was hard not having Steve there to hold my hand. And every time that we have had anther baby I count my blessings that Steve is there with me, by my side. I know when Tommy was born Steve wanted to be there. I know that he was doing the best he could by waiting by the phone. 

Tommy has grown now and the military is behind us. 9 years have come and gone. This boy who cam into the world on a beautiful spring day has been a joy to my life. He is smart and funny and loves to still sit close to me all curled up in a ball. 

I love you Tommy!

Little Time to Spare

I was a week and 4 days overdue. But when you really think about it, what is "due" anyway. I wasn't really counting down, but... people would ask anyway. And as well meaning as they were it really started to get at me all the advice that I was given to get the baby out. I love being pregnant {minus the horrible morning sickness I got this time} I think I have a great pregnant body and other than having trouble getting up off the couch or out of bed I don't have any problems.

So, my due date came and went and actually I was really glad. I'm not sure what the problem was but I was in a terrible mood and I took it out on the boys. I later apologized and I prayed that I wouldn't have the baby that Monday. I didn't want to the boys to remember me a being upset when I went to the hospital. So after that day I was determined to make every day a good one. So when I left to go to the hospital, they would know that this was a happy time.

This pregnancy was so different, I was determined to go natural. It's not for everybody, but it was for me. I have been on picotin twice, and had two babies via C-section. If we were to leave the option open for any more to come to our family it had to be natural. I didn't fare well after Benji was born and I didn't think that any more C-sections would be safe for my body.

I found a doctor that was willing to deliver me naturally, but it had to be in the hospital. And so it was.

After I was a full week late, I was asked to come in to have a stress test and to check my levels. The baby was fine, other than being in an awkward position, sitting more on my hip than down in the birth canal. But my placenta was not looking good. It was starting to calcify and looking old. I was told that it probably wasn't safe for me to go even a whole week more. I had until Friday to begin labor or I was to be induced.

My midwife told me to take Blue and Black Cohosh every thirty minutes for 4 hours that first day and then the next day..... to try Castor Oil.

Ugh!!! both were so gross!!!!

But, I did it. Wednesday morning I got up and had breakfast. Played with the boys and cleaned a little. I put the castor oil in some grape juice and chugged it down. I really was expecting something to happen right away. It didn't, an honestly I was a little disappointed. I tried really hard to relax and just enjoy the day, but staying close to the bathroom.

I took my second round of castor oil in the afternoon, and laid down for a nap. I woke up to some pain, but then it went away. I got up to make sure things were ready to go. But nothing more happened.

All of a sudden I remember looking at the clock and seeing that it was 4:00 and that I had to start dinner, but I didn't feel like moving. I had started contracting and even though they were nothing to sing over I had forgotten everything else that needed to be done. I finally got up to make dinner and by the time it was ready it was 6:00 and the thought of eating anything made me sick. So I sat at the table with the family, just enjoying the time that I was having with them. I told Steve that I was contracting about every 5 minutes. I was having a hard time moving but helped the boys get ready for bed any way.

We had family prayer and told the boys that soon I would be going to the hospital to have our baby brother. It was a sweet moment with the boys as they were so concerned about me.

By now it was 8:00 and I had called my midwife and my friend Diana to let them know what was going on. James finally got home from Scouts soon after that and I felt like because all the boys were here and safe I could leave now. I labored at home for a little while longer and just sat on the couch and hummed.

It was 10:00 and I could tell that I was transitioning into active labor. One more call to the midwife, and to Diana and it was time to leave. The only hospital that would allow me to deliver naturally was an hour away. And we were off.

Normally the drive seems pretty long, but that time it didn't feel that way, and we were there about 11:00. My midwife was at the doors waiting for me ready to wheel me up, but I just got done sitting and I really wanted to walk. So walk I did.

I had never been in labor before and this was all new to me. It amazed me how inward I turned when I started contracting. I just remember holding Steve and the world seemed to fade away.

I made it up to Labor and Delivery.

Now because I am a VBAC I had to be monitored at least for a little while and then I could get back up and walk again if that is what I wanted. So I got changed and laid on the bed to be monitored, and that's when I panicked.

I had felt really good being upright and walking but as soon as I laid down I was in so much pain. I tried to get up and walk again but the monitors were saying that his heart rate was really low, and that he wasn't dealing with the contractions well. The words C-sections were being whispered. I started to breath funny and was put on oxygen. I didn't want any drugs but I was ok with them putting in a line for that "just in case" moment.

All this time I was dilating,when we arrived at the hospital I was at 4 cm. During the commotion I was told I was at an 8. Everything was moving so fast. I was trying to remember to breath, and trying to get comfortable.

And then it was like time stopped.

I was at 10 cm. and was told to start pushing. I was so tired from the pain that I was in that I felt like I had a hard time pushing.

Steve was wonderful, he was right there the whole time and was telling me that I can do this. I remember looking up at him and feeling so loved by him. I remember him walking away... probably just to move for a moment for one of the nurses, and in that moment I felt so lost with out him.

I also had a doula, Janice. I was unsure if I wanted to have a doula with me, but a wonderful friend said I should. I found a wonderful woman to help me. And although there really wasn't time to do a whole lot her just being there was a big help and a great comfort. I liked having so many people on my side to help me achieve this.

I pushed through one contraction, oh, the pain. I squeezed my eyes shut, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to be done. I wanted to disappear, I wanted to just die.

But it was also in that moment when I felt lifted up. I knew there were lots of people around me, most that I didn't know. But I felt like there were many people that were there that I did know, that knew me. That cared for me and that loved me. I have 3 special Grandmas, and I felt them there.

Grandma Jean, my dad's mom.  A wonderful woman with such a sense of humor, but could be cranky too. I loved her and she was so fun to talk to because the conversation would always turn funny because she would forget what we were talking about. I'm glad that I remember her as a working woman, because as she got older her body became more frail. I was able to get a picture with her and my dad and James in a 4 generation picture.

My Grandma Lower, my mom's mom. My sister and I would go back to Michigan every summer for visitation with my mom, and we spent so much time with my grandma. She was a spunky woman, and hard working. Her and my Grandpa owned a little fast food place called the Snack Shack. She worked there with my Grandpa for years, until they no longer owned it. She always made it a fun place for my sister and I to be. She was a golfer when she was younger, and I remember that there were days that my sister and I would have a sitter because she was not going to miss her Bridge game with her friends. I don't think I realized how much I loved her until she passed away.

My Great Grandma Ester. I remember her white hair that was done every week at the salon, I remember the smell of her house, and the big front window where the birds would sit on her bush. I remember the  pies and cookies that she made for the holidays.

I felt these wonderful women there with me, doing something that women do.

I was told to push during a contraction and felt him move down. Then during the second contraction I felt a rush of pain and my body being opened in two, and then, nothing. He was out and my body was again mine. And the pain was gone.

I did it. I did something that women for ages have been doing. I climbed the mountain that I wanted to climb and descended down the other side with a new understanding of what women hood means to me. I felt everything, every pain, and in turn was able to feel the overwhelming joy as well.

I had my eyes closed the whole time trying to focus with what little I could, and I remember saying to myself to "open your eyes" I did and there he was a perfect baby boy. He was peeing everywhere and was crying. I took him and fell in love. He was born at 12:02am that Thursday morning, a little over an hour after we got to the hospital.

They put him on my chest and he just looked up at me. I looked into those dark eyes and am pretty sure that he could see into my soul. I think babies are like that. They have a way of knowing things and a way of looking at you that tells you that they know exactly what is going on.

This was the first time that a baby, my baby, was all mine. The nurses didn't take him away from me I held him and snuggled him, and nursed him. I delivered my placenta and still he was with me. I opened the blanket just to look at him. I am always amazed that out of two small things, a sperm and an egg, that a perfect human being can be formed. This body that I created for this spirit was perfect.

After about an hour I let go of him to get cleaned up myself. A nurse took the baby while I was busy. It felt so good to be in control of my body, shaky as it was. As soon as I was back in bed he was back in my arms.

Things died down and the chaos that was there only a short time ago was gone.

Soon it was just Steve and I alone with out new child. Another boy. We had talked about names before and were pretty sure what he would be named but we talked about it to make sure. Nathaniel Swim. Our boys are named after great men that we know and this was no exception. He is named after a battle buddy of Steve's who has gone on to become a wonderful friend of the family. We decided that we would call him Swim. A fun nickname that has a wonderful story to go with it.

Steve decided that he would head home and be there when the boys wake up to tell them the good news.

Finally, it was just Swim and I. Alone together. I just held him close and smelt him. There really is something magical about the way a newborn smells. I was so awake, and the adrenaline high that I was on was amazing. I felt like I could do anything at that moment.

I held him and loved him and cuddled him and sang to him until the darkness of the sky began to lighten. I held him as he melted into me and we both finally fell asleep.

No Rush to the Hospital

It wasn't really a special day. Nothing new had happened to have me predict what that evening would hold. I cleaned the house and went for a walk, and was planning on going to a friends house for dinner that night.

I was past due with our baby boy, James. I was feeling restless, but not to bad. When I woke that Saturday morning I was a little wet, but didn't really think anything of it, I mean I am over due with a baby sitting on my bladder.

I showered and got on with my day. I noticed that I was leaking all day long, so I decided that I would call the doctor's office. I was told to call the hospital to see if they had a bed that I could use. I did... they did.

I wasn't contracting and I felt really good, so I took my time getting ready. We dropped off our drinks at my friends house and left to the hospital.

I remember Steve saying this was not how he pictured going to the hospital with our first one. He wanted to be rushing down the road, honking and swerving to get to the hospital on time.

It wasn't like that.

We walked in and I was checked, and my bag of water had torn... not broken completely, but enough to be leaking amniotic fluid, and had been for a while. So I was admitted.

After some discussion it was determined that I had been leaking for more than 24 hours. Now because there was a risk of infection I was given penicillin right away, and it was suggested that I be put on pictocin as well to hurry things along. At that point I hadn't yet started having contractions.

They must have cranked up the pictocin because I remember seeing one nurse in the room, and the next thing that I new there was a whole team of people in there. I had passed out. I think it was just to much to fast. And I got an epidural.

The epidural was nice, except I could feel every contraction on my left side, until it was fixed.

The hours passed... and passed... every time I was checked I had only dilated a half of a centimeter. I labored through the night and in Sunday morning things still weren't progressing very fast.

A doctor came in and broke my water completely and there was meconium in the fluid.

A little before lunch time {about 16 hours after we got there} I was checked again and was still only at an 8, I was told that I could labor for another 45 minutes before they would prep the OR for a C-section.

The nurses came in and said that I could do a couple practice pushes, and that must have opened me up a little more because soon I was in full pushing mode.

My friend EmilieAn came in to help with the labor and to be my extra support. At one point Steve was holding my leg and dropped it. I was so worried that not only could I not feel my leg but now I couldn't see it either!

I pushed for about 2 hours. I was able to push even with an epidural, but I couldn't tell what progress... if any was being made.

Finally!!! I was told that he was crowning and to stop pushing for a minute. I was so confused... but I later found out that James had his hand on his head when he was born so I birthed his head arm and shoulder all in one.

After a few more pushes he was out. The cord was cut and he was placed on my chest. He didn't cry at first so they took him to suction him out a little more because of the meconium, they wanted to make sure he hadn't aspirated any. After everything was cleared away he was given back to me.

I looked down at my chunky little baby. He was 9 pound, 10 ounces and 22.5 inches long. He was a huge baby. He came with rolls and big checks and big blue eyes. I remember looking at him and him looking at me. And there we were just trying to figure each other out. Time stopped and at that time I don't remember there being anyone else in the world except he and I.

Sunday afternoon on a sunny day in December, James made me a mom.

It is the best job that I have ever had, and I'm so glad it started with James.

I have a voice

I am really excited and really nervous to have this little baby {who still has no confirmed name}.

With each of the boys I feel like I was just told what I was to do to have a baby. I decided with this pregnancy I wanted to have a voice. I wanted to have a say it what was going on. I want to trust that my body will know what to do.

For me this is baby #5 and I really have no idea what labor is like. I am in full support for women to have babies how ever they choose it to be C-section, induction, natural, with or without medication. But see.. it's a choice.

Every birth that I have had has not been what I wanted... don't get me wrong, I love the prize that I got at the end, and I am thankful for the healthy baby that was placed into my arms. But nothing went as planned.

With James my bag tore and was leaking amniotic fluid, I went to the hospital and they immediately hooked me up to every machine and was put on potocin {that made me pass out} to get the baby out fast. And then I was told I was on a time limit to have him or he would have to be taken C-section.

With Tommy it was a scheduled induction because Steve was in Iraq... it was a birth of convenience. I wanted Steve to be a part of it, my doctor was going out of town, I had to schedule with other people to take James, it just needed to work for every one.

Tim was just a big mess since I had placenta previa, and he was breech he would have probably been C-section anyway but him coming at 30 weeks, I was pretty much pushed into the operating room as they were telling me what was going on.

And Benji... I didn't have a choice at all. Because my last baby was a C-section there was nothing I could do but plan my due date.

I realize that emergencies happen, I know that there are things that happen that are unavoidable and the results are not what was ideally planned, but I just want to be part of the discussion. It's my body, it's my baby, and I am tired of being talked over like I'm not even in the room. I just want to have a voice in the matter.

I am so thankful that I have found a doctor that will delivery me naturally. There is no set date for me to have a baby by. As long and he and I are both doing fine I can go over my due date for any number of days or even weeks. As long as he and I are fine I can labor for as long as it takes. I know the pros and cons to it all, and I am confident in my choice that I have made. I know that if it does happen to be a C-section, that at least I will be a part of the conversation and the decision {outside of an emergency} will be mine. 

I know that most doctors have the best interest of the patient at heart, and only want what is best. {I'm hoping anyway...} but I think that sometimes we rely to much on what is said with out questioning and sometimes with out knowing all of the facts. We just take what ever pill is offered, we just do what ever is said, and we end up being told how our babies should be born and anything different is not acceptable.

I am looking forward to this new experience and to the choice that I get to make to bring my baby into this world.