To School we go

This has been a really hard summer for me. Besides the move, and helping Steve start his practice, I have known for a while now that the boys would be actually be going to school this year.

I have always said that I would homeschool the boys until I was directed to something else. I was never one that was dead set on homeschooling from birth to graduation, although I want too. I counsel with Steve and the Lord often about teaching the boys. It would be a year by year thing.

Back in March, before our life was turned upside down, I had the impression that the boys needed to be registered for school. While we were in North Carolina I actually put them in the lottery for a really good Charter school and while they were on the waiting list, they were on the wait list and had a good chance of getting in.

Before we left North Carolina I prayed some more and got the same answer, so I consigned all my homeschool stuff except what we are working on. That was really hard to walk away from that store, feeling like I was walking away from 4 years of my life.

Then our world was turned upside down with a major move. All through this we schooled as best we could and tried to stay on top of everything.

Being here I prayed some more, and still had the impression that they needed to be in school.

Honestly it breaks my heart.

I am so nervous. My oldest is going to school for the first time.... at 4th grade.

I am nervous for them. I am also nervous to have my faults laid out. What if they fail at math?? That would be my fault. What if I totally screwed up on science?? And I never did teach spelling.

I worry about bad habits... I worry about friends... I worry about bullying.... I worry about their education.

I know what is going on with the public schools and the changes that are happening, and I have prayed and still the answer is they need to be in school.

And I worry that they will love it so much and never want to come home. I worry that their teachers will do a better.... funner job than me.

But I know that the Lord knows these boys better than I do. I know that He has their best interest at heart. I know that He is looking out for our family. I know that He knows the desires of my heart, and that He has taken that into consideration, but ultimately He has the final say and I try hard to do His will.

When I knew they were to go to school this next year I had no idea what was in store for me. But it looks like I will be working at the office for a while until we can afford to hire someone. The Lord know me. He knows what is in store for me and what is the best road for me to walk. I think I would have fought sending the kids to school for me to go to work a lot more had I not known for as long as I have.

So while this is not what I would have picked, we are going to embrace it. The boys are starting to get a little more excited. I am trying to prepare them as best I can and have a positive attitude.

I will miss my boys during the day. I will miss the crazy and the loud and the fun. And yes... I will even miss the not so happy days.

I hope this is only for a year or two. And then I can bring them back home. But really it's not up to me. I don't know what the future holds {I wish I did} But I will do the best I can.