How often have we heard that? So today was the first official day that I have felt lonely. Even with three little tornadoes swirling around me. The hard thing with being alone is that even when you want to call someone you know you are cutting in on family time. So I put the boys to bed and got on some really comfortable jammies and settled in to watch the show I have been waiting for, Army Wives. Even though I'm technically a "civilian" now I will always be an army wife. I relate to the thoughts and feelings that are expressed. I relate to the characters and there lives. As I was watching it there were a lot of things that were said that really hit home. "The future doesn't stop" How often are we hit with something that is hard and all we want to do is hide, or find some way to make it go away? Be it changes at home, in a job, move, relationship... the list could go on and on. Do we really believe "that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger." I do. I have too. That's how I get from day to day. I look at the boys and see my future ready to take this world by storm, and full force, Superman cape and all.
"In times like this we question our own strength. Our ability to hang on and not crumble, it's one of the things I admire most about the army wives I've met. This capacity to press on through the obstacles, to see the mission through to completion." This was taken from the show, but this is what I feel. Being an army wife has taught me to look past my own life. Because someone is always in need of help. From the newly weds who are facing there first separation, to the women who has held strong and fast though more times apart than can be counted. Even now I know of people who need the help more than I do. I enjoy the feeling of helping others and it take my mind off my own troubles. If you ask me if I'm alright, "yes, of course." Truly only a few who know me the best will be able to know what I need next. These are the women I call my best friends. We have been through it all together. Births, deaths, miscarriages, deployments, moves, ect. When the first had a child go to his first day of kindergarten, although we were all in different states, all of us felt as though "our baby is growing up." There is something to be said about the bonds of friendship when you are in the military. You have no idea how long you are going to be in a place, so really you cut to the core of a person right away. There is no time for the "niceties" that people play. The bonds that are forged are hard and deep.
Sometimes I envy people whose husbands have "normal" jobs. Who come home every night, who are there for the events in life. But when I said 'yes' to Steve deep down I knew I was in for a ride. I only have a small idea of what my husband does at work. And the things that take him away for training are top secret, so basically I have no idea. The phrase "what did you do at work today" is not said, because he can't tell me. This is more than a business trip that some make. Not many business men carry guns and are in full body armor, they don't hear mortars going off at night. When he goes overseas he will be civilian wearing the uniform and will be my "soldier." Holding down the fort means to me (amongst other things) being brave and happy when you get to talk on the phone. The last thing he needs do to worry about me. And along with that comes all the fear, and anxiety of having him away. But also the feeling of being so proud to be a soldiers wife. And the satisfaction that I can do this. We have done this before, and though we both have had our trials we have come out better on the other side.
As for the "life goes on"... the sad and lonely days will come and go. Even in the scriptures it says "it has come to pass" NOT it has come to stay. So I'm going to go and kiss my sleeping babies, crawl into my bed and know that tomorrow is a new day.