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Sunday, June 8, 2008

Life Goes On...

How often have we heard that? So today was the first official day that I have felt lonely. Even with three little tornadoes swirling around me. The hard thing with being alone is that even when you want to call someone you know you are cutting in on family time. So I put the boys to bed and got on some really comfortable jammies and settled in to watch the show I have been waiting for, Army Wives. Even though I'm technically a "civilian" now I will always be an army wife. I relate to the thoughts and feelings that are expressed. I relate to the characters and there lives. As I was watching it there were a lot of things that were said that really hit home. "The future doesn't stop" How often are we hit with something that is hard and all we want to do is hide, or find some way to make it go away? Be it changes at home, in a job, move, relationship... the list could go on and on. Do we really believe "that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger." I do. I have too. That's how I get from day to day. I look at the boys and see my future ready to take this world by storm, and full force, Superman cape and all.

"In times like this we question our own strength. Our ability to hang on and not crumble, it's one of the things I admire most about the army wives I've met. This capacity to press on through the obstacles, to see the mission through to completion." This was taken from the show, but this is what I feel. Being an army wife has taught me to look past my own life. Because someone is always in need of help. From the newly weds who are facing there first separation, to the women who has held strong and fast though more times apart than can be counted. Even now I know of people who need the help more than I do. I enjoy the feeling of helping others and it take my mind off my own troubles. If you ask me if I'm alright, "yes, of course." Truly only a few who know me the best will be able to know what I need next. These are the women I call my best friends. We have been through it all together. Births, deaths, miscarriages, deployments, moves, ect. When the first had a child go to his first day of kindergarten, although we were all in different states, all of us felt as though "our baby is growing up." There is something to be said about the bonds of friendship when you are in the military. You have no idea how long you are going to be in a place, so really you cut to the core of a person right away. There is no time for the "niceties" that people play. The bonds that are forged are hard and deep.

Sometimes I envy people whose husbands have "normal" jobs. Who come home every night, who are there for the events in life. But when I said 'yes' to Steve deep down I knew I was in for a ride. I only have a small idea of what my husband does at work. And the things that take him away for training are top secret, so basically I have no idea. The phrase "what did you do at work today" is not said, because he can't tell me. This is more than a business trip that some make. Not many business men carry guns and are in full body armor, they don't hear mortars going off at night. When he goes overseas he will be civilian wearing the uniform and will be my "soldier." Holding down the fort means to me (amongst other things) being brave and happy when you get to talk on the phone. The last thing he needs do to worry about me. And along with that comes all the fear, and anxiety of having him away. But also the feeling of being so proud to be a soldiers wife. And the satisfaction that I can do this. We have done this before, and though we both have had our trials we have come out better on the other side.

As for the "life goes on"... the sad and lonely days will come and go. Even in the scriptures it says "it has come to pass" NOT it has come to stay. So I'm going to go and kiss my sleeping babies, crawl into my bed and know that tomorrow is a new day.

9 comments:

Eliza said...

You are AMAZING!! I am proud to call you my sister. Love you tons!

Steve said...

You truly are the best woman in the entire world. I feel so tremendously blessed to have you apart of of my world. We truly do live a life less ordinary.

Cayde and Brianna Taylor Family said...

Beautiful! Leah you should write a book not Steve. You are such an amazing woman and I too think you are the best.

Christy said...

Very inspiring Leah. You've always been that way for as long as I've known you, even though I haven't known you as long as so many others. I remember when I first visited you you expressed to me that same positive attitudet-that you knew all this going into your marriage and that's what gets you through it. I was very impressed and have remembered it ever since, and have tried to adopt a positive attitude into my own life. Thank you for being so and for having such a positive outlook. The military wives and families truly are Silent Heroes that don't get enough recognition. I admire all of you for the strength you have. Even though my husband travels a lot and has been to Iraq, Kuwait, etc., it's nothing like what you've described as going through. I applaud you all.

camie said...

Hey Leah-it's Camie
Of course I remember who you are. My sister and Connie got me started on this blogging thing and I've loved getting back in touch with so many friends from high school. Your kids are adorable. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers in our adoption journey. I'll make sure to pop in every once in awhile!

THE BENTLEYS said...

ahhh... that made me sad.. I hate lonely days. You are an amazing wife, steve is lucky to have you:) hope tommorrow is a better day!

The Scott Family said...

This is so sweet and inspiring. I loved every word. You are amazing.

Katrina said...

Leah I love you! You summed it up so well. I've always wondered if I would be able to put all of those feelings into words. And you can call me anytime! I have kind of started pretending Steve is back at boot camp sometimes so I'm not so disappointed that I hardly ever see him. He works every night - so you wouldn't be cutting into my family time! You are amazing girl.

L & W said...

Thank you for this. It's such a relief to touch base with someone who can relate.

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